There’s a tendency in many of us, myself included, to get too fixated on our own sin. We see the grievous ways of our hearts, and instead of letting our failures bring us to Christ, we collapse in on ourselves, falling deeper and deeper into a downward spiral. There are endless ways we don’t measure up. We don’t pray enough, we aren’t kind enough, we’re too insecure. Our sin is right in our face. It’s too heavy for us to lift.
There are usually two unhealthy directions we go when faced with the crushing reality of sin: either self-improvement or despair.
Self-Improvement
Self-improvement is a mix of hard work and optimism. Sleeping at Last’s song, “One,” captures this common experience, regardless of what Enneagram type you are:
But the list goes on forever
Of all the ways I could be better in my mind
As if I could earn God’s favor given time
Or at least congratulations
We wake up with a laundry list of our shortcomings. Then, we eagerly set out on the quest to fix ourselves only to despair when nothing seems to work.
Despair
Some get to this point more quickly than others—it depends on how strong our resolve is to fix ourselves. But eventually our sin leads us to despair. Our self-improvement doesn’t work, and we know it. Our dirty hands cannot clean the filthy garments we’re dressed in. We scrub and scrub, but the stain only grows bigger.
We might even stay here for a while. Our prayers are a lot of “help me be better” and “help me do more.” We tell God our laundry list of self-focused petitions. It feels kind of right, but we still miss the point.
Knowledge of sin is not an end in itself. God always reveals the sin of our hearts in order to lead us to the cross. Satan wants us to see our sin and get back on the hamster wheel of trying to get rid of it ourselves. This causes us to hide, self-improve, and ultimately despair.
This is the good news for those caught in the cycle of self-improvement and despair over sin: “He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities” (Psalm 103:10). We think God is dealing with us according to our sins—he is not. He does not hold our past or current failures over our heads. He does not expect us to fix our problems.
The Gospel
How then does he deal with us? According to Christ’s life, death, and resurrection on our behalf. According to our union with Christ. According to our adoption by the Father. According to the presence of the Spirit dwelling in us.
God is compassionate and kind. Is sin serious? Absolutely. It’s why Jesus had to die. But excessive wallowing in our sin shows we’ve forgotten that God has already dealt with it. “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103: 11-12).
Behold and Be Transformed
Self-improvement and despair are attempts to do for ourselves what God has already done for us. They’re also attempts to continue the work of sanctification in our own strength rather than relying on the Spirit.
But our sanctification happens indirectly, not directly. 2 Corinthians 3:18 says, “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” As we behold Jesus, we are transformed, because “we become like what we behold.”[1] Scott Sauls writes, “While Martha is busy trying to be like Jesus, Mary spends her energy being with him. And in being with him, Mary becomes like him.”
Jeremiah Burroughs similarly writes, “From Christ as from a fountain, sanctification flows into the souls of the saints: their sanctification comes not so much from their struggling, and endeavors, and vows, and resolutions, as it comes flowing to them from their union with him.”
Rest in this today. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. Instead of rightly punishing us for our sins, Jesus was punished for us on the cross. Our transgressions are removed from us, fully and finally. We can’t clean ourselves up, but Christ has already made us clean. He has made us his own. As high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love.
[1] I’m not sure where the phrase “we become like what we behold” originally came from, but this article by TableTalk uses it: https://tabletalkmagazine.com/article/2018/08/becoming-what-we-behold/.
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