One of my lovely friends spoke at graduation. She gave a short, five-minute speech that cut to my heart. She spoke on the parable of the three servants. Each were given money from their master. Two of them boldly used their wealth to make more money, while the last one fearfully hid her wealth. When the master came back, he praised the first two servants and scolded the last one. They had been faithful, but the last one was too cautious. This servant likely thought the other two were reckless. She felt the weight of the responsibility, but instead of trusting the Lord, she succumbed to fear—better to not use the money at all than to fail. Better to bury the money than use it wrongly.
Perfectionism
There are many lessons to draw from this parable but one of them is the danger of perfectionism. It’s the idea that I must be sure my efforts will succeed before I even start. Perfectionism tells us that the best thing we can do with our talents is bury them. Anne Lamott in Bird by Bird: Some Instructions in Writing and Life, writes,
Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it.
One component of perfectionism is the belief that using one’s gifts comes more easily to others than to us. We think others are completely confident and never doubt, and we’re still holding out for the day that happens to us. One day God will grant us unwavering confidence and we’ll never feel insecure again. We’ll never again doubt whether we really are gifted or called or whatever. So we stuff our hands in our pockets and wait.
Well, we can stop waiting. Lamott again writes,
People tend to look at successful writers, writers who are getting their books published and maybe even doing well financially, and think that they sit down at their desks every morning feeling like a million dollars, feeling great about who they are and how much talent they have and what a great story they have to tell; that they take in a few deep breaths, push back their sleeves, roll their necks a few times to get all the cricks out, and dive in, typing fully formed passages as fast as a court reporter. But this is just the fantasy of the uninitiated. I know some very great writers, writers you love who write beautifully and have made a great deal of money, and not one of them sits down routinely feeling wildly enthusiastic and confident. Not one of them writes elegant first drafts.
The difference between those who use their gifts and those who don’t is the former keep showing up.The difference between the servants who multiplied their wealth and the one who didn’t is the first ones showed up.
How do we press past insecurity, perfectionism, and self-doubt? We trust Christ and show up anyway. We write, we teach, we counsel others, we play music, and we show hospitality regardless of our shifting feelings, regardless of our confidence level. As Beth Moore so poignantly said, “Your calling requires exercising your gifts. Your divine calling isn’t within your natural capability. It takes Christ to serve Christ.”
Showing up despite fear of failure, fear of criticism, fear of being wrong is an exercise of trust in Christ. It is an act of trusting that our identity is not in our success, not others’ approval, not in being perfect. We are already approved in Christ and he hasn’t called us to be perfect but to be faithful. To keep showing up.
Envy
Another thing that keeps us from exercising our gifts is rivalry, or envy. We see someone with similar gifts to us. They seem to be doing better than we ever could. They’re more eloquent, more efficient, more organized, more extroverted, more thoughtful, etc. If they can use their gifts better than us, what’s the point of us using ours?
Beth Moore again so helpfully writes,
Reject rivalry. It rots the fruit. Others may have similar gifts to yours but they’re not you using them. There’s nothing one-dimensional about walking in divine gifting. God assigned gifts to each of us in full view of all coinciding components that would shape us into who we are. Genetics, gender, upbringing, ethnicity, life experiences, personality type, natural talents, skill set, relational experiences, education, intellect, emotional intelligence, health history, failures, successes, hurt, affinities, quirks, you name it. Nobody’s your identical mix.
Instead of worrying about what we don’t have or what we think we don’t have, God bids us to offer all we have to him. God has given others a specific calling that he hasn’t given us. He’s also given us a specific calling that he hasn’t given anyone else. Focus on what you think he’s called you to and cultivate those talents.
Who our gifts are about
Finally, we’d do good to remember that life isn’t about us. Our gifts ultimately are not about us. God gave them to us to glorify him and serve our neighbors. Isn’t that refreshing? We have permission to get over ourselves. Beth Moore writes, “Our gifts were given TO us but not FOR us. When we don’t exercise our spiritual gifts, we are robbing the body of what God gave TO us FOR them.”
Just take the first step. Teach, write, apply for that job, make that piece of art, write that story. The only way to grow is to practice. Lamott says, “Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts. You need to start somewhere.” Perfectionism tells us we must be at 100% straight out the gate. But Christ teaches us that we have room to grow.
So don’t bury your talents. Offer them to Christ and he will multiply them. He can do better things with our gifts than any fear-induced perfectionism.
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