Trying Things Out

I recently got a film camera. I’ve owned several cameras in my life–a small digital camera, an underwater Fuji camera, a Canon Rebel. I like disposable cameras and for most of my life I’ve used my iPhone camera. What that means is: I love taking photos. I’ve never done so professionally, but capturing moments is a way for me to enjoy those moments.

But yesterday I finished my first roll of film on this new camera and I have no idea how the pictures will turn out. As I write this, they’re being developed.

As I filled out the sheet at Chicago’s cute and vibey film lab, I thought about how many professional photographers and filmophiles (is that a word?) get their photos developed here. I barely know how to work this camera and they’re going to be looking at my photos?!

A part of me nearly forgot that I’m just doing this for fun. I’m not trying to be a photographer, I just like photography. And well, it’s got me thinking about the idea of play.

As kids, when we play there is no evaluative element. There’s no comparison or end goal. We don’t need to monetize it. We simply explore, try things out, and see where it’ll go. When we play, we do what we love. We don’t pressure ourselves to be great right off the bat.

Even now, I hear from strangers and social media and sitcoms that your twenties are the decade to explore and figure things out. Twenty through twenty-nine are the years of making mistakes, feeling like a mess, and learning about yourself. Thank God for that! Because I certainly feel like I’m wandering around semi-aimlessly not knowing what choices to make.

While I do hope my thirties and beyond bring more self-confidence and self-awareness and all of that, I do not want to move on from play and exploration. I don’t want to think that being settled into a career or having a nuclear family or being more financially stable means less creativity.

Like children and like twenty-somethings, I don’t want to believe I’ve outgrown “just trying things out” or beginning something I’m not very good at. Learning is lifelong.

Sometimes the pressure of having big goals and dreams has kept me from pursuing what I’m genuinely interested in the moment, without an agenda. What if I pursue x and it doesn’t become something great? What if it doesn’t become a business? What if I don’t like it?

Those are good questions to ask, but if they keep me from even pursuing x in the first place, then I’ll certainly never know the answer!

So here’s to trying things out. Here’s to sharing art you’re just starting to create. Here’s to doing things you love even if you’re bad at them. Here’s to play.