I’ve found myself in the lament Psalms again. I love the lament Psalms because they give me words to pray; and I’m frustrated with them for the same reason. They’re prayers I’d rather not need to speak. But I’ve learned that God meets us in both lament and thanksgiving, both grief and joy.
Father, when I see answered prayers and all the ways you work in others’ lives, I feel like I’ve been forgotten by you. Lately, answered prayers seem few and far between although they are not really. I’m again reminded that I’m often blind to your kindness. The weight of unanswered prayers makes it difficult to see the ones you answer. And I am so sorry, because I don’t want to be ungrateful. I am sorry that I’m quick to forget your goodness.
But God, I feel forgotten by you. Like I’m the only one you’ve turned from. Yet, even David prayed, “How long, O Lord, will you forget me?” This question was put in your holy word, and saints throughout the ages have prayed it. Your people commonly feel like you have forsaken them, like you have forgotten them. And I am no exception.
I relate to Naomi’s bitterness. I went away full, but you brought me back empty. One time I rejoiced but now I’m in affliction. I’m bitter for it, and my hope is little. I have little hope that I will ever truly rejoice again. Little hope that I will experience you as deeply as I desire. Little hope that you’ll fulfill me, that I’ll be full instead of empty.
Where is your fullness of life when death is all around and fear is within? Where is your help when I need it most?
I’ve asked and pleaded and at some point, prayer becomes too discouraging. These unanswered prayers feel like too much to bear. I cannot hide my disappointment. How many times must I ask and not receive? How much longer must I seek but not find? “My God, I cry out to you by day, but you do not answer; by night but I find no rest.”
Despite the common experience of feeling forgotten, all have discovered that you do not forget. How could you? Will the God who numbers the hairs on my head forget my deepest longings? Will the God who rescued me when I wanted nothing to do with him turn a blind eye to my pain? Will the God who pursues me when I reject him now ignore my anxieties? Surely not.
I do not know why you take so long, why desires are still unmet, why struggles I’ve prayed against continue on. When faced with these questions I either believe you’ve forgotten me, that I’ve done something wrong, or I’m not doing something right. But as Tim Keller says, the cross doesn’t give me an answer either. But I do know what the answer isn’t. And right now, that is enough.
“If we again ask the question, ‘Why does God allow evil and suffering to continue?’ and we look at the cross of Jesus, we still do not know what the answer is. However now we know what the answer isn’t. It can’t be that he doesn’t love us. It can’t be that he is indifferent or detached from our condition. God takes our misery and suffering so seriously that he was willing to take it on himself.” -Tim Keller
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